Footprints...

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

I first heard this poem when I was attending a church youth group, and it caught me off guard. I never thought about someone being with me when ever I was down.
My friend receited this poem to me putting himself in the place of the the Lord just about a month ago and I realized what it meant.
So now I would like to pass this on to those of you who read this to bless your life with as much happiness as I have experienced myself.

Read and Remember :)

What's to come...

So I've just realized that in less then 2 days I get to spend my first day at Brescia. I'm not sure if I'm more excited or scared to start. As of tomorrow I have to make 17 phone calls to the off-campus students I will be advising for the year.
Imagine that, I'm going to be advising students for a year. Kinda scary ain't it? lol.
Other then that there's some fun stuff on the way. On Sunday I'm partying hard in St. Thomas with Amanda and Lauren :D I can't wait!!
Next Thursday I actually start classes.
Next Sunday I'm going to see THE BACKSTREET BOYS!!!
I am soooooooooooo excited to see everyone who I haven't seen in 4 months. :(
But with the fun stuff comes sad times. There are three major aniversaries that are going to be very hard to live through.
So if I seem more jumpy or sad near the end of September just stand by me. Don't try to cheer me up and don't try to make me cry. Just stand by me and give me lots of hug :) I like hugs, but I don't like giving hugs. I'm great at receiving hugs.

Anyway, my great update on my life

L8er Dudes and Dudettes

Destiny...

I've come to a realization.
You create your own destiny.
I've heard this saying over and over again but I never really believed it. But today I have realized that only you are in control of what happens to to you.
If you wake up every morning and think 'This is going to be a bad day' That's exactly what it will be. You will, without knowing, do everything possible to make it a bad day because you want to be right.
It the same as if you wak up every morning and think to yourself 'I'm going to live this day exactly like I would if it were my last day on earth' then everyday is going to be the best day you've ever lived.

Don't ask where this all came from because I have know idea. Lately I've just felt really inciteful and thought I should share it with all my non-existent readers.
This way I may actually be helping you in your life without actually being involved.

I have one more piece of advice for all those people out there who have someone they really care about.
BE YOURSELF.. (thx again Joe :) )
There is no need to change to try and impress someone. If you're talking to this person already chances are good that you didn't start that because you were trying to impress them. You most likely started talking to them because you thought you were a lot alike. Which obviously means you knew who you were when you first started talking to them.
Now here's the advice part.
Look at yourself really closely and see if you still recognize the person before you. If you don't, then you've made the biggest mistake to start a relationship. If you yourself cannot recognize you, then the person you have fallen head over heels for, has either fallen for a pretend person or has realized that you're not comfortabel with yourself. Once that person realizes you're not comfortable with yourself, how do you expect them to be comfortable with you?
I know those of you reading this who actually know me, know exactly where this is coming from. I happen to have made this mistake this summer, but I've also come to realisation. Although a big chunk of my heart will always be wondering what could've happened if I hadn't changed, a good thing came from it.
I learned to wait and I gained a great friend. Most importantly I learned that every one knows what they want. I know right now at this very moment I want to be with this person, whether dating or just friends, I want to be a part of this person's life. And you know what, I'm willing to wait around, but I'm not willing to close my eyes off to the world because although I may think this person is the one for me, I'm only 19 years old. The true one for me could walk past me and I'd never notice if I focused on making a relationship that was never meant to be happen happen. At 19 years old I've never experienced anything in this world so I don't know what it's actually like to feel that someone is the one.

One last piece of information before I post this and start a rather low toned post is this:
Find someone with you're interests not someone who is you.
Although you may love you, you will not love dating someone who is exactly like you. You want someone who is like you but different. That's how you know they are the one.

K..I'm up and out and starting my low toned post :)

L8er dudes and dudettes

The Future...

As the topic issues this is about the future. I must say though that I'm proud of this. For once in my life I'm looking at the future, and it is scaring the hell outta me.
In 3 years I am leaving London for was is not only a few day excursion but 2 years in a place I know nothing about. Only Amanda will be by my side to keep me company. I'm quite scared.
I'm not ready to leave my friends. Lauren I'll MISS YOU THE MOST!!! Especially one particular friend who's there for me every time I have problem.
I don't know if I thank you enough but if I don't this is my big THANKS to you. Without you this summer would have totally bombed. I would've spent many days at work being totally bored. But with you there the days always went by faster. I know there's a lot of times I get mad at you but I'm never actually mad at you, I'm more mad at myself and you need to know that.
Anyway I'm out..I don't really know what else to say.

L8er dudes and dudettes!!

What makes this girl happy...

I have come to realize there are only 3 things in this world that make me happy.
1.) Love. The love of a friend or the love from my family. It doesn't matter because love makes me happy. Maybe I'll find the one person I'm meant to be with and love for the rest of my life, or maybe I'll settle for the one person who can love me the best. I don't know, but as long as I have love in my life, I's will be a happy gal.
2.) Shopping. I can't be really upset and like most other girls, shopping makes me happy. I think it's the act of spending money on myself and pampering myself that makes me feel happy. Like today, I was really upset and then I went out with my sister and her friend and forgot about everything that was bugging me. I just let go and had fun. Something I need to do more often in my life.
3.) Writing. This is the one thing guaranteed to make me happy. Writing lets me get all my feelings out on to paper and express them in ways I couldn't do verbally. That's why this blog is my ultimate happiness pill. Whenever something is bugging me I just start writing and I automatically feel better. I think it's because writing allows my mind to wander, which means instead of focusing on one point all the time I'm always focusing on different things. Writing allows me sort out my life when it gets messed up, and for those of you who have read any of my writing, yes everything that is written in the poem or story is exactly how I felt when I wrote it. And I know this may be scary to some of you as a lot of my poems are about suicide, including the newer ones. But that's what I feel a lot of the time.

But anyway the point of this blog was to tell you exactly this.
I might not be able to tell you everything because it doesn't make me happy, but when I do tell you the stuff that hurts at least you know how to bring me back from my dark hole.

I'm a very confusing person, just ask my friends. I always know what I want, but I never know how to get it.
But here's my words of wisdom for those of you who try to hard (like me) to get what you want.
Don't stop trying, just kinda idle a little. (thanks Joe :) )
Maybe you'll find that when you stop trying so hard, what you want has actually been at your finger tips all along. For instance, if you like someone, maybe when you stop trying so hard, you'll realize that you might not be meant for each other but instead you're walking away with a friend who know more about you then even the people closest to you know. And you'll realize that that person loves having you as a friend, which makes the thought of dating them unbareable because if you did date and broke up, there'd be no way of staying friends. So although they might be 'The One' keep them as a friend. If it's meant to be it'll happen when you least expect it. If it's not at least you gained one of the best friends you'll ever have out of the whole situation.

Another wise saying from the book of Joe..lol.
Don't regret anything (this might have been Dawson's Creek actually)
If you waste your time regretting what you've done in the past, then you'll never be able to enjoy the present. You'll never see what you've got in front of you, instead anything good will pass you by without being given a second look. You'll focus so much on the past that the present will not be focused on until it becomes the past and it will be full of regrets. If you live life in the now, then there might be regrets, but you won't focus your time and energy on trying to fix them, instead you'll focus on what can come of the mistakes you've made in the past. Because as we all know, mistakes are suppose to be made, but when you make the same mistake over and over again, you've learned nothing from the first time you made the mistake. You will never grow as a person until you realize that the mistake can help you instead of break you.

So here's my little thing on mistakes to be made only once:
-Falling for a guy without knowing the guy
-Random hookups with friends (make out sessions)
-Drunken Sex (unless you're dating the person)
-Falling in love with your head (must always be done with your heart)
-Pushing someone away on purpose
-Receiving the 'Let's Just Be Friends' Speech (if you receive this more then once from the same person back away as fast as you can)
-Having Sex on a beach (nobody wants that much sand in their special areas)

That's all I have for now, but now because I'm a look on the negative side, think about the positive kinda gal I must list the things you should do over and over again:
-Having fun with friends
-Chasing boys at Mcdonalds(must be done in a car, and must be able to drive around Mcdonalds looking for the cute boys)
-Falling in love with your heart (must be done over and over again because you'll fall in love with the same person everytime you see them)
-Drinking (at limited quantities and not everytime to have fun)
-Sugar highs (the ONLY way to my heart is with candy..lol..but remember.. candy + girls = the funnest night of your life)
-Entering St Thomas through the elephants ass (it is the only proper way to enter St Thomas)
-breaking your heart (it'll hurt every time..but it's the only way to find the one you're meant for)
-making new friends (friendships don't last forever..but you might just find a few friends who will make a lasting impact on your life)
-Love (you must always love someone every minute of your life. It can be a friend a family member and I'll even allow stuffed animal, but love must be an ongoing thing even when your life is too hard)
The final thing I'm going to say must be done over and over again is...
-making one mistake a day (but like i've said, don't make the same mistake twice or else you'll end up in a circle that will never let you out)

But for now my mind is out of profound thoughts except this last one...

Don't settle for the one you can live with, settle for the one you can't live without.

And that one goes both for friends and partners. If you have a friend/partner you can live with but you don't really like you're telling yourself you can't do any better. If you search for that friend /partner you can't live without you're telling yourself you can't get any better because the perfect person is sitting right in front of you living everyday of your life with you and improving your life every step of the way.

That's it and I'm outta here...

L8er dudes and dudettes :)

Third times the Charm..

So apparently I am a blogging machine. lol. This is the third time I've posted in less then 12 hours. This blog is because I'm bored. I have a lot of things on my mind still though. I love the way my life makes sense when I'm writing on here, but it doesn't make any sense when I'm not writing. Does that mean I'm a real writer when then only time my life makes sense is in writing?
In other new Amanda Lauren and me are fantabulously supercool. lol Amanda.
There is one point to this blog though. I need to thank someone.
John - You're totally awesome. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have even started this thing. And most of the time I read you blog before I even write. Reading ur blog makes me wanna write. I had actually given up writing for awhile, but now all I want to do is write. So thanks for reminding me what I've been missing :)

Only I can help me...

How do you figure out you are? Is it where you feel most comfortable, or is it who most people are happy with you being? Are you suppose to be out to make yourself happy or other people happy? What if it makes you happy to make everyone else happy? What if you yourself are never suppose to meet the happiness quota, but in order to keep everyone else happy you have to pretend to be happy? But the reality behind the fake smile is actually that you're angry at the world. You actually cannot stand who you've become. You've gotten so used to making everyone else happy and making sure they are never mad, that you can't come to make yourself happy. You can't actually live your life for you because then everyone might start to hate you and you cannot stand to feel that everyone hates you.

For those of you wondering where all of this has come from you can thank Joe.

The final I've got to say is I DON'T CARE!
I don't care if you hate me
I don't care if you like me
I don't care if I ever find 'The One'
I don't care if everyone else has fun in their life and I don't

All of you can just deal with it.

I'm sick of trying to make everyone happy because you know what? None of you ever care if I'm happy. Everything always has to be about you people yet when I start thinking about myself you call me selfish and stuck up.
How can I be stuck up when for 19 years of my life I have cared about only how you all felt? How is it when I'm thinking of you and only you I'm the greatest person in the world, but once I start thinking about myself and my life I become selfish?

I can't stand any of this anymore, and more and more I hate my life even though I have everything anyone would ever want.
I'm 19 years old. I've never done drugs. I've never smoked. I've only had approximately 6 drinks in my ENTIRE life. I'm a virgin and I've never even messed around with a guy. My first kiss was when I was like 16 years old and since then I've kissed 2 guys. I have a job (although not the ideal job). I'm going into my second year of university. I went through elementary and high school with no lower then a 75% in a class. I didn't fail a single course in my first year of university, although I definitely could have done better. I never got in trouble at school. I have two loving parents and a sister who loves me (although she will deny it with her entire life). I have a Jack Russel puppy. I live in a two story house. I have my own room. It's the picture perfect life.
I've been told time and time again I am the ideal daughter and yet I hate my life.

I don't know anything anymore. I've never been more confused. I have to figure all this crap out though because school starts in a week and if all of this is on my mind school is not going to be as fun.
I think maybe I'll take some advice from myself for once and just stop thinking all together. As Joe keeps telling me to: I need to just say fuck it and stop caring what everyone thinks.. So you know what. That's exactly what I'm going to do. And those of you who have just read this journal probably think I'm only doing this to make Joe happy, but that's not true.
For once in my life this is the one thing I'm doing only for myself. I need to say fuck it because until I make myself happy, I will never truly make any of you happy. So although I might actually end up caring for all of you and wanting to make you happy later on in life, I need to take a page out of the book of my Papa. He made himself happy and he still cared for everyone else. It's what made him happy, but first he had make himself happy. He had to accept himself and not worry about how everyone else perceived him. That is what I need to do right now. I mean I think I have already figured out who I actually am, but I didn't even know that until this past year. Now I need to work on being the real me around everyone, not just Amanda and Lauren because those are the only two people I can be myself around and only because they are just like me in every way.
We're the three muskateers. All for one and one for all!! lol.
And Joe, You were the inspiration to this blog, and yet I can be myself around you. I am the most self concious person around you because all I ever think about is how if I let myself be myself around you you might actually begin to hate me, and yet by hiding myself some how it all back fires on me anyway.
So the main point of all this is I'm going to be myself and not care what anyone you think.

What a weekend..

So I'm at work on Saturday and I'm the prep person. (For those of you wondering..prep = Mcdonalds bitch) I'm making my stuff like per usual and I get called over to help them in the back. So I walk around the corner and what do I find?
THEY WERE PENDING 15 IN THE BACK!! I have no idea how it happened, but somehow they had gotten that behind in orders. O did I mention it was only 10 A.M.? Honestly..who comes to Mcdonalds to eat. Grrr....
Then Last night I worked overnights. Interesting night I tells ya. A lot of laughing on my part..but when do I not laugh? Honestly, I'm always laughing. But anyway, it was a fairly busy night, but I still got all my crap done. So I'm in the back sometime this morning and I notice Joe and Sean have disappeared. I mean disappeared. Of course right after I noticed they had disappeared Joe reappeared in the window of the Mcdonalds Playplace. Apparently they had crawled up into the tubes and fallen asleep. Or so they said. I have a picture that proves they definitely could have been doing something else. Although it might be a little hard in the Playplace.
Anyway, it was nice and quiet when they were gone and then they woke up. They came out of the playplace and I don't think Joe actually shut up the remainder of the night. So again I'm in the back, this time it's around 4:30 a.m. I'm being quiet minding my business and Joe starts asking people if they'd eat a spoon full of mustard if he ate a spoon full of ketchup. Jeremy and Sean both said no. So who does he ask next? Of course it would be me. lol. So I finish making the food for the customers and take the mustard. Joe easily takes he spoon full of ketchup and they all thought I wouldn't do. Let me just tell you people. Mustard DOES NOT taste good in mass quantities. I could not get the taste of mustard out of my mouth for like 3 hours.
That was the extent of my weekend, unless you would like to hear about the lovely 8.5 hour sleep I had today. But then again I guess that's all there is to say about that.
So my week ahead for those of you wondering because you might actually want to do something with me. (Not likely but a girl can wish can't she?) I'm going out with my sister tomorrow for BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING!!! I work 4-7 on Tuesday. Wednesday sounds like a perfect opportunity to clean my room. Thursday and Friday I have training for Off Campus Peer Advisor. Saturday I work 6-2. And Sunday I work 8a.m. -12. Then I think I might be heading down to St. Thomas to hang out with Amanda and her peeps. lol. So for those of you keeping score. It looks like a pretty busy week ahead of me :)

THE COUNTDOWNS
1.) 14 DAYS UNTIL THE BACKSTREET BOYS!!
2.) 19 DAYS UNTIL WESTERN FAIR + KALAN PORTER
3.) 4 MONTHS MINUS 3 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS (don't forget to buy me something perdy)
4.) 6 MONTHS MINUS 4 DAYS UNTIL I TURN 20

There will probably be more countdowns to come as I can guarantee there will be TONS of stuff to keep you non existent frequent readers up to speed on.

Until the next time..
L8er Dudes and Dudettes

LIFE con't..

I'm not sure anyone actually reads this, but here's my continuation from my blog yesterday..
Joe- As I said you're an awesome friend. Without you in my life I'm not sure I'd be able to have the extent of fun I do. But who knows right.
Sean- Wow. lol. Again where do I start with you? You're an awesome person and you can always make me laugh.
Other good things this year have been. New Year's Eve which was the first time Amanda, Lauren and I ever hung out outside of school.
- My 19th Birthday..that was awesome. Thx guys. :)
- The Brescia Picnic..lol. Amanda you still got the Brescia frizbee that mysteriously jumped into your bag? And don't forget the bubbles
- April exams..HARDCORE GO FISH!!!
- Lauren's 19th Birthday..holy monopoly batman!!
- The Avril Lagvne concert..Without Amanda's help I would have never got the tickets.
- BEACH DAY!!..holy burn! Fun times all around. And the ice cream...was that to die for or what?
BOOK SHOPPING!!- haha Amanda..we really should've found those cute boys to carry our books.
Mcdonalds- Chase the boys much..lol..around and around we go!!
And there are still more fun times to come!!
THE BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT!!
KALAN PORTER + WESTERN FAIR = AWESOME!!!
I can't wait to get the year started.
But for those of you who are confused by the nature of this blog..let's just say it's proving a point.
Everyone goes through hard time..but those hard times can only be followed by good times because you can't have a life that is all bad.

LIFE...

Sometimes like everyone else, I wonder whether life is worth living. Reading my friends blog has made me think of all the bad things that have happened in the past year.
On September 28th 2004 I lost my Papa. The first family member that has died during my life. My Papa was an amazing man who was willing to help everyone and anyone who needed it. He was Santa Claus (literally) and every Christmas Eve he made his round to those in his family and families who did not have the money for gifts. He never thought of himself and only thought of others. I remember being woken up at 5a.m. on September 28th 2004 and my mom informing me that my Papa had passed away just two hours prior. It was a sad day on September 30th at my Papa's funeral.
On October 12th 2004 my friend and classmate Kirsty threw herself in front of a train because she could not take life anymore. She was always one to walk into the school with a smile on her face and never complain about anything. If I had not previously known about her problems I would have thought that this decision to end her life was crazy. But I did know some of her problems and when I found out what had happened, I had no problem believing it. It was more the WHY? that came to mind. WHY even with the problems she had would she have thought ending her life was the only way to cure her problems? WHY hadn't she thought of how she effecting everyone else. From there the WHYs became more and more selfish until I could do nothing but accept what had happened.
On October 26th 2004 I had to do the toughest thing in my life. I had to put my puppy dog down because she had gotten too old. We had had her since she was 8 years old and she was almost 15 years the day we put her down. I was actually not present at the time she was put down, only my dad was present as he thought it would be better if just one person went.
Still, in about a month and a half I lost 3 very close people (and pets) in my life.
But also by reading my friends blog it reminds me of all the good things that happened this year.
I started university and made the best friends in the entire world.
Sarah- You're awesome. When things get hard I know I can count on you to be by my side and you know I'll be by your side too.
Amanda- St. Thomas is our bitch!! lol. You have been an awesome friend. I can't wait for this year to start. It's going to totally rock!!
Lauren- St. Thomas is our bitch!! lol. You, Amanda and I all the way this year. New Year's Eve, birthdays, girls days!! It's going to be awesome!!
I continued to work at Mcdonalds, but I grew with them as they grew with me. It has been totally awesome working there even through the hard times.
My 19th birthday, which brought me to talking to Joe.
Joe- What to say? Although sometimes I seem really difficult to deal with I'm sorry. I can't help it, but you know this. You're a great friend all around and I'm soooooo glad I started talking to you..

EXTRA EXTRA....

Read all about it!!

Amanda and I are totally going to see KALAN PORTER in concert at the WESTERN FAIR!!!! OMG!! This is like soooooooooooooo exciting.
In 17 days it's the Backstreet Boys live in concert and probably my first time at a bar. And in 22 days it Kalan Porter live in concert. Semptember is going to ROCK!! Except maybe for the school part.
But the school part is going to TOTALLY rock because I get to see my friends who I've barely seen in 4 months in a week and a half. I CAN'T WAIT!!
OMG!! For those of you who actually read this thing yesterday was 6 months from my birthday. Which means that in 6 months minus today I am going to be 20. Which means I won't be a teenager anymore. And I'm not exactly sure whether I'm excited or upset by this fact. O well, I guess when the day gets closer.
Also for those of you starting the countdown. TODAY IS 4 MONTHS FROM CHRISTMAS!!!
Get me something perdy and I'll get you something just as nice!! :)
I'm up and outta here!!
L8er dudes and dudettes!!

So that EXCITING news..

So I'm walking down Fanshawe Park Road and I'm talking to my sister. I'm doing absolutely nothing except walking. Then all of a sudden I'm on the ground, my knee smashing into the ground and everyone who is driving by me was probably laughing at me. I get up, not exactly sure how it happened as my sister didn't push me and I don't think I tripped. Just lost my balance I guess.
It was sooooooooooooo weird though, and although I was laughing when I got up, I'm pretty sure that was the most embarassing moment of my summer. Honestly, who falls just out of the blue? lol.

L8er dudes and dudettes

Danielle

Boredness

Why is no one ever on at 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm always up bright and early but no one ever is. Maybe I should start sleeping in a little bit. Anyway, that is my conclusion for the day.
L8er dudes and dudettes!!

Danielle

Don't you ever wish...

that you were a box of chocolates so everyone would eat you? lol. I'm one crazy person lately. For instance I'm talking to my friend last night and he kept saying 'I see', so I just out of the blue said..'yes you do...that's generally what your eyes are for..unless you're blind'.
Hmmm..I seem to make more sense when I'm tired then when I'm wide awake.
So for all those wondering I work at Mcdonalds. (even if you weren't wondering, you know now.) It's an ok job for when you're not really planning on paying for anything significant, but once it comes to paying for stuff other then what you want, the money starts to suck. But for now I'll deal with this job because it's the only place that really let me work insane hours. (as long as I don't go over 44 hours a week)
Anyway I'm off to that job of mine, so I'll keep you posted more when school starts or if anything REALLY exciting happens in the next two weeks!!
I luv ya all!!

Danielle